No It’s Not Chocolates

By Sue, Your Trusted Perimenopause Coach and Recovering Bakery Owner

Let me take you back for a moment.

When I owned my bakery, we sold the sweetest, fluffiest, most adorable Valentine’s cookies you could imagine. You know the kind. Hearts, pink icing, declarations of love piped as delicately as a butterfly wing.

And yet...
Do you want to know what outsold all those picture-perfect cookies every single year?

My anti-Valentine’s Day collection.

Every. Single. Year.

The broken heart cookie that said GO AWAY.
The gingerbread person declaring SINGLE AF.
The cookie that simply stated NO CHANCE like it had seen enough romance movies to last a lifetime.

People loved them. Not because they hated love. Not because they were bitter. Not because they wanted to burn Cupid at the stake.

They loved them because deep down, nobody likes being told they have to do something.

And Valentine’s Day?
Oh, that holiday comes with instructions printed in invisible ink.

Buy the flowers.
Plan the perfect date.
Pick the right card.
Feel the right feelings.
Do not disappoint anyone.

No wonder so many women feel exhausted by February 1.

Because the truth is…
We do this to ourselves all year long.

We put pressure on ourselves to show up the “right” way, to make others comfortable, to not rock the boat, to smile when we’re crumbling, to keep the peace even when the peace comes at our expense.

Valentine’s Day just magnifies it with a glittery spotlight and a half-price chocolate sale.

But here is where things get interesting.

My bakery customers—married, single, divorced, widowed, dating, situationship-ing, it didn’t matter. They weren't buying anti-Valentine’s cookies because they were anti-love. They bought them because they were pro-relief.

Relief from pressure.
Relief from expectations.
Relief from feeling like they had to perform happiness instead of actually feeling it.

And honestly?
I think women deserve that kind of relief far more than once a year.

So this year, instead of buying a heart-shaped box of pressure disguised in foil, I want to offer you something different. Something quieter. Something deeper.

Your 2026 Valentine’s Assignment: Give Yourself a Gift

Not to your partner.
Not to your kids.
Not to your boss, your friends, or people who will never appreciate the emotional gymnastics you perform daily.

A gift to you.

And before you panic, no, I’m not sending you to a spa or telling you to meditate under a crystal moonbeam unless you genuinely want to.

Your Valentine’s gift is this:

Time. Space. And a love letter to yourself.

I know.
It feels uncomfortable.
Women are not taught to give themselves anything that isn’t useful, selfless, or tied to productivity.

But imagine this…

You carve out 30 quiet minutes for yourself.
Just you.
No noise.
No responsibilities.
No one needing anything from your body, brain, or soul.

You sit with a cup of coffee or tea (or a glass of wine; zero judgment).
You grab a notebook.

And you write a love letter.
To the woman who has carried you through every heartbreak.
Every holiday meltdown.
Every hormonal tornado.
Every season you thought you wouldn’t survive... but did.

You write to the woman who keeps showing up even when she’s tired, stretched thin, or doubting herself.

You write to the woman you forget to appreciate.

Because she deserves to hear from you.

And here is the magic nobody tells us:

When we learn to celebrate ourselves, the rest of the world follows our lead.

When we stop waiting for external permission, love suddenly becomes ours to define.

When we put down the pressure to perform, we can actually feel joy again.

Valentine’s Day stops being an exam we are terrified to fail and becomes an invitation to reconnect with ourselves.

So whether you are partnered, single, happily unattached, wildly confused, or somewhere floating in romantic limbo, the truth is this:

You are allowed to love yourself loudly, intentionally, and without apology.

Buy yourself flowers if you want.
Don’t if you don’t.
Eat the cookie shaped like a broken heart that says GO AWAY.
Bake your own.
Or sit in silence and breathe for the first time in days.

There is no wrong way to celebrate yourself.

This year, I hope you feel seen.
I hope you feel valued.
I hope you feel loved, especially by the woman who has been with you since the beginning, YOU!!

And if anyone asks what you got for Valentine’s Day?
Tell them proudly:

“Time for myself. And honestly, it’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”

Happy Valentine’s, beautiful woman.
You deserve softness too.